Why Does This Keep Happening & What Can I Do About It?
Today I find myself in that all too familiar place. Uncertain. Needy. Clingy. Sad. Alone. Will someone please use validate me? Like my post. Follow me. Engage with me? Will someone just see me? Let me know I’m actually still here; breathing, alive? Will someone let me know I matter?
Why does this keep happening to me?
What am I so afraid of that when I get so close to it I fall back away from it? I shy away from the very thing I desire. What am I afraid of? Failure? I’ve failed multiple times in my life? Success? Well, I’ve been somewhat successful, but never to the degree I’ve always desired. So maybe that what’s this is. I’m afraid of success.
Ok, why? What about success is so scary? Oh, I think I see. If I’m successful I have to live up to who I said I would be. Maybe? Or maybe not. Maybe I don’t want to be successful. What am I avoiding? But why wouldn’t I want to be successful? So I don’t have to worry about failing at it.
When we spend a good portion of our lives “screwing things up” (so it seems at the time,) we are gun-shy to try and accomplish anything. Especially what we believe we are called to do.
Who will come to my rescue?
Why do I feel so alone? So sad? Why does everything feel so futile? Why won’t they like…
