When I was a boy, My mom was epileptic. She suffered grand mal seizures. Later in life I developed “episodes” where I would suddenly feel I was having a moment of deja-vu.

For a moment I was in two worlds at the same time. I was both the observer and experiencer of what was unfolding. The “episodes” were usually brought on my prolonged periods of stress or pressure.

Before my mom died I confided in her about my “episodes.” She told me it sounded like the beginning of a epileptic episode she experienced as an epileptic.

I can neither confirm nor deny what they are, but you’re writing, at this particular point, talking about the familiarity of these places you were in, and how your brain at that moment of familiarity attempt to trick you into having a panic attack, made me think about my own “moments.”

I’ve never had a full-on seizure. I’ve always been able to “talk myself off the ledge” even when they happen while I’m behind the wheel. But something I’ve noticed is that directly following these episodes, everything appears very clear, for a few moments. It’s like a light is being shined on my life and I can see everything very clear. But it fades quickly and I find myself wondering did this actually happen or was it just a dream.

I’ve never written publicly about this until reading your experience. At 54 I’m still desperately trying to figure myself out. I’ve just begun to scratch the surface of understanding that there’s so much more to myself than I know. I hope to discover the freedom you describe before I leave this planet.