How I Became A Better Father By Watching My Son Almost Die

Last night was a difficult night for me. So much change, so many emotions.

I don’t know what happened inside of me last night when they downgraded Luke from ICU, but something shifted.

I wasn’t there. Bella, Luke’s girlfriend was. Bella is more than capable, it was just the fact I wasn’t there.

When I got to Luke’s new room, I felt like an outsider. After all I had just sat with him for more than 24 hours coaching him through breathing before they put him on a ventilator to save his life. I had sat with my wife Jodi and daughter Kami in the lobby preparing them for seeing Luke on a ventilator. So many emotions. I had been, so I felt, up to this point, the Captain of this ship.

As oddly as it sounds his hospitalization was bonding time for Luke and me. We had some of the deepest connection moments we’ve had in our life together. I wasn’t letting anyone get in the way of that.

As I stood at the door of his new room, Bella by his side, Jodi by his side, new RN’s by his side, even seeing Luke “depend on” the “other love and support” it felt ….. well, I don’t know how to describe it. Almost violating. “He doesn’t need me anymore,” I told Jodi. That wasn’t true, but it was how I was feeling.